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Cougar or Soulmate?

October 4, 2015

indian-woman-with-cougar-226x300 painting by Susan Seddon Boulet

Before we begin, let me state what this article is NOT about.  I am not writing about female psychic vampires, or women seeking sex (only) with younger men (adults and minors), or dysfunctional women who enjoy one upmanship power struggles with younger males. Whew!  Now that we have THAT off the table….moving right along…..

And a quick hint: the gender is really irrelevant to this writing: I’ve found this issue among clients of same sex and clients where the male was older than the female.  I chose the “Cougar” title because that’s the most “heated” manifestation of this type of pairing.

Last month a 20- something- year -old college student came in for a psychic reading and asked about her mother’s younger fiancé.  I assured her that all was well. A week ago, this same client brought her mother who was in town visiting.  The mother asked her reading question, by writing it on a slip of paper and sliding it to me: “Is it ok that I’m about to marry my fiance? People are talking.”  It was as if she spoke the words out loud, doom would fall upon us both.  My heart sank for her.  The cards confirmed what I already knew in my heart, and I spoke words of empowerment to this brave soul.  She left with a weight lifted off her shoulders, and I hope she finds this article that is dedicated to her<3

How many people do you know that are truly soul mated?  What I’ve found is that most people don’t have the backbone or stamina to be with a soul mate. And so, they never find one. Everyone thinks they want a soul mate relationship–until they realize the work involved to maintain it.  Let me explain.

Often, people seek psychic readings to find out about their soul mate. They ask:  “Where is he?” “How will I know her when I find her?”  “Is my current partner a soul mate?”  “Can you fight and separate if you’re truly with your soul mate?’ Most people are very confused about soul mates: they do not understand exactly what a soul mate is and what a soul mate relationship entails. Hollywood has romanced us into thinking a soul mate is someone of: similar age, background, & race.  So we think, once we get all those things checked off our list, then we’ve truly found our soul mate and will live eternal bliss!  Sorry folks, that’s seldom the way it works. Soul mates are partners who formed a spiritual contract to help us on our evolving soul’s path.  They come into our lives not so much to create eternal bliss,(but that’s great if it’s the end result; read: end result).  The true purposes of a soul mate are to challenge us to grow AND to challenge society to grow.

Soul mate relationships are often weighted with obstacles, separations, and pain. Why? Because these relationships shine a flood light on our deepest wounds.  Unhealed core aspects that prematurely scabbed over are ripped open to truly heal.  Struggles, ie growth opportunities, come to serve YOU in healing your patterns.  No matter what it may seem like the soul mate is doing to you, they are merely a symbol pointing the way to your ultimate growth.  Because you recognize them from a soul level, you feel them deeply in your heart.  It’s not so simple as just running away from the uncomfortableness.  This is a lifelong connection that stays with you regardless of time, space, or distance.

As a mass consciousness, our species is being pushed, prodded and pulled to understand our true natures.  Our true nature is one of Spirit.  Spirit does not know age, race, or gender. Spirit does not know or care what society deems as acceptable.  Spirit only knows LOVE. Soul mate relationships push that agenda out into the light of cold harsh scrutiny.

I was single for 8 years and during that time I dated different soulmates, who were all younger than me.  I’ve always been a leading edge creator, so flying in opposition to society was nothing new to me.  The surprising factor was the way my closest friends harshly judged me.  At best, they treated me like I had a serious lapse of judgment, and at worst, they treated me like I was a child molestor! Once I became engaged to one of my younger male soulmates, ALL of my close friendships disappeared! Nevermind them, I continued to follow my own conscience and heart.  This is one of the BIGGEST challenges to a soul mate relationship: learning to STOP worrying about what others think!

The age difference between soul mates is quite common: I’ve heard stories of 7, 12, 19, 25 ,and even 30 year age differences.  The age indicates different generational factors coming up in the relationship, hence societal issues and MAJOR opportunities for growth!  Now, older men are seen as victors when they date younger women, so why are older women judged so harshly?

Two recurring issues come up about older women paired with younger men: her declining youthful beauty and the mother principle. The threat of a woman’s loss of beauty is fertile ground for media critique. Men are not diminished with increasing age, while maturing women are notoriously devalued. I’ve watched several comedic skits between older women and their younger mates. One such episode came from SNL. The skit involved then spouses Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, in which Demi was a hunched over, decrepid old woman while Ashton was still in his vibrant youth. Who can forget the culturally iconic, “The Graduate”, in which a mother seduces her daughter’s lover?  I have not seen any similar depictions where the gender roles were reversed.

The mother principle comes up in the female as she’s often past the childbearing age and/or seen as a replacement mother figure to her younger consort. Somehow, society sees the female as either a devouring or grooming influence on her lover’s life, while her older, male counterpart is celebrated as a virile, handsome benefactor to his younger mate.

So now that I’ve exposed the trials of this type of relationship, let me outline the benefits!  These benefits apply to you AND your mate:

  • Exciting new challenges to expand your growth
  • Fresh new perspectives that you’ve never considered
  • Opportunities to break out of your ruts
  • Capacity to lead society away from outdated  beliefs and toward true spiritual understanding
  • Ability to heal your own self esteem issues and  move into true self empowerment
  • Willingness to stand strong in your heart’s knowing
  • Ironically, cougars, or mountain lions, represent reclaiming one’s personal power and using leadership wisely

So now you know that your relationship IS legitimate:)  Why not cuddle up with your lover, pop in “When Stella Got Her Groove Back”, commit to your happiness, and let the haters stew in their own insecurities!! 🙂

Mystical Soul Mate Blessings,

Charis Farfalla

Learn more about Psychic, Life Coach, Astrologer, Tarot Card Reader and Feng Shui Consultant Mystical Empress at


From → Psychic

  1. Ginger S. permalink

    This is a great article, Brenda! I have never understood why people feel they have the right to tell that your husband is not your soulmate, that it isn’t real love. Your article let’s me feel valedated on what I’ve always known- we are soulmates. We recognized each other almost immediately,
    Now, looking back on 45 yrs together, I can see where all the ” drama” others saw as we shouldn’t be together, where the soul lessons we helped each other learn. Nobody can truely know or understand another couples relationship. It’s too deep, intimate and too many variables that only they understand. I’m so glad I didn’t listen to the naysayers and followed my knowing heart.

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