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Alpha Females Seeking Loving Relationships

July 22, 2015


Athena Warrior Goddess

Alpha women are powerful, beautiful, confident, successful and…..leaders.  Life made them that way. Perhaps they were required to grow up much too early. Some even endured trauma.  Maybe they chose to be entrepreneurs or work in the corporate world. Whatever the motivating principle, alpha women made a choice to take life by the horns and steer it in the direction they chose.

Being a leader requires initiative, courage, and well, a little bit of bossiness.  Unfortunately, many of the traits alpha women have developed aren’t really suitable for relationships with the opposite sex.  You see, alpha women seek strong alpha males, and these males will NOT be led or bossed.  It’s really not her fault, she’s just always found herself to be the most competent person around.  She’s taken complete responsibility for so long that she has no idea how to share responsibility or walk beside anyone else.

In the alpha female’s aggressive pursuit of goals, she may be labeled a “controlling bitch” by other, less dominating personalities. As alpha female myself, I began life as the “bossy” kid.  I had very clear goals, and I knew how to take decisive action to reach them.  In adulthood, I went on to form my own businesses.  While the alpha position awarded me friends, opportunities and business success, it wasn’t a blessing to my love relationships.  It took me 8 years of being single that I came into my understanding of this alpha female mystique.

As a single female weaving through the digital age of dating, I noticed that I had a very definitive pattern in romance. I’d pull tarot card readings on my love life, and I’d invariably pull the Queen of Swords.  I’d moan, “Not AGAIN! What am I doing wrong?” The Queen of Swords tarot card represents a woman alone;  an alone, “ball busting” woman.  The pattern didn’t stop there.  I continuously attracted non-committal males who enjoyed passionate exchanges and MANY power struggles with me.  If they weren’t abstaining from sex, they were refusing commitment.  In every scenario, one thing remained the same: the male was in control.  I also found that each paramour had the same background: an uber dominant mother.

Interestingly, many males who are attracted to alpha women were raised in families where the mother was a dominant and controlling force in the family. So, he sees the alpha female lover and is at once, intrigued and threatened by her power.  For, he has learned that the female principle is uber powerful and capable of giving and taking life.  The problem with this scenario, however, is the emasculated, unconscious male tries to heal the earlier wound of mother by winning back his power and masculinity.  This dynamic creates many power struggles within adult relationships.  He may use emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual abuse against the alpha female to make her feel powerless so that he may avoid feelings of insecurity and abandonment.

Another dysfunctional style of relating that the alpha female finds herself is with a passive, male who succumbs to her power.  In this relationship, the male often withdraws sexually as he feels emasculated by her dominance.  Her uber need to be in control turns her mate into a child asking, “Mother may I?” .  She wonders why she has to take care of everyone while no one is taking care of her.  However, she can’t be parent and lover to her mate.

In my psychic based life coaching business, Mystical Empress, I guide people beyond their personal energy blocks toward the fulfillment of their dreams. During psychic readings and life coach sessions, I’m astonished to find a multitude of women clients who are struggling with what I call, “Alpha Female Mystique”.  They don’t need advice on how to run their careers.  They have that project already wrapped in a nice, tidy little package.  The only area of life they need guidance is in relationships.  What they long for is a compatible love relationship.  They too experience lots of power struggles and caretaking of their lovers.  It’s a delicate balancing act for the Alpha female to take guidance from anyone else.  However, by the time she sees me, she’s very aware that something significant must change for her to achieve her ever- illusive dream of love.  The pain has brought her to the beautiful, feminine space of surrender.


Aphrodite Goddess of Love & Harmony 

Alpha women often forget they chose the gender of female in this lifetime.  Feminine energy is soft, creative and receptive, the opposite of masculine which is hard, destructive and aggressive.  Obviously there are warrior females, such as Athena, but take note: Athena was also a virgin goddess, (read– no lover).  She was operating from her masculine side.   As a woman, the archetype we are seeking for our love relationships is the goddess, Aphrodite, who was the epitome of grace, harmony, and love.

If you are choosing a heterosexual, harmonious relationship, it’s time to embrace the feminine, Aphrodite side of your nature.  Alpha females interpret those words to mean: “I must become weak”.  NO, that is absolutely NOT what I’m suggesting.  You will still be an alpha female, but you will soften your edges somewhat and create your relationship desires in a much different way.  You are used to seeing masculine energy as powerful because it pushes to get things done.  When you push in relationship, you actually push it away.  Alternatively, feminine energy is actually more powerful  and gets more accomplished because it follows the Law of Attraction principles.

Law of Attraction means exactly that!  Energy flows in the direction of the receptive, receiving principle.  As you become a magnet to your desires, they will naturally flow into you.  This new way of being will be a much calmer, less stressful way of life for you.  An old movie comes to mind, “Baby Boom” in which an uber alpha female, Diane Keaton, trades in her NYC corporate corner office to become a mom, raising an orphan on a farm in rural Vermont.  Through many trials, our alpha heroine, eventually surrenders to her more vulnerable feminine side and finds a mate who supports and nurtures her alpha personality.

I  often find alpha females to be suffering from depression and chronic diseases.  As Louise Hay suggests, “The body like everything else in life, is a mirror of our inner thoughts and beliefs…continuous modes of thinking and speaking produce body behaviors and postures and “eases” or dis-eases.”  When we are operating against our own true nature, we become imbalanced physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Feminine Approach to Relationship

  • Allows the man to pursue her
  • Takes a receptive/magnetic stance to her male counterpart
  • Seeks harmony and compromise, a win/win approach
  • Shares her affection and sexuality as an act of love, not bartering
  • Allows the man to lead or walk beside
  • Treats the man as a man, not as her child to raise
  • Shows nurturing and support as a lover
  • Respects a man’s biology of needing space to recharge his batteries
  • Respects a man’s ability to be an equal partner without criticizing and nagging him

Woman’s Masculine Approach to Relationship

(not to be misinterpreted as how a man would approach a woman in relationship; this is only woman’s misuse of the masculine energy principle).

  • Chases the man as a goal to be won
  • Takes an aggressive, active stance toward her partner
  • Creates right/wrong situations
  • Withholds sex and affection as a weapon or bartering tool
  • Leads and directs the man in all areas, including his own personal choices
  • Controls the man, treating him like a child
  • Offers caretaking and problem solving as a parent
  • Challenges, fights, and guilts the man when he seeks his personal space
  • Treats the man as inferior to her superiority by ridicule and chastisement

Every relationship is a mirror of who you are at any given moment.  If you’d like to argue the point, take a look at your relationship history.  See a pattern?  Why do you think you continue to attract similar men or similar situations? Instead of casting the blame on the men, (which isn’t going to fix anything), look at your own reflection.  The sooner you take responsibility for these creations, the quicker you can move into your ideal relationship.  One thing is guaranteed: as you shift yourself, you will begin attracting different men and different relationships.

ALPHA, I have complete faith you can learn to move into a more feminine, balanced approach to relationship and attract your ideal love.  Why? Because I know you are masterful at achieving your goals. 🙂

Mystical Love Blessings to YOU Alpha Woman,

Charis Farfalla

Learn more about Psychic, Life Coach, Astrologer, Tarot Card Reader and Feng Shui Consultant Mystical Empress at

  1. Wonderful article, Brenda! Although I’m not an Alpha woman, Your article did help me understand myself better. Appreciate my own relationship better. Well done.

  2. Hmmmm this was a great article. I gained a lot from it thanks.

  3. Thank you so much for reading Ginger:)

  4. Stacia permalink

    Sat nam Brenda! thanks for sharing your gifts and for pointing me to this article. I now have a different/more precise view of myself — where my areas for growth lie. I’m committed to stepping into my feminine self more fully.
    Many blessings to you! Stacia

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